Random musings of footballers before they fall asleep…

Mario Balotelli

When did I get a tattoo? ... Whatever. Let's go through tomorrow's list of things to do. ... First, I'm going to wake up in my Maserati. ... Then, I'm going to speed around town helping the less fortunate solve their problems. ... Then, I'm going to throw something at someone. ... Then, I'm going to donate a kidney to a stranger. ... Then, I'm going to figure out how to put on a bib...while driving my Maserati at a very high rate of speed...

Ruud van Nistelrooy

I'm not just here for the Qatar money. ... I'm not just here for the Qatar money. ... I'm not just here for the Qatar money. ... OK, I'm just here for the Qatar money. Hahahahahahaha!

Michel Platini

I can't wait until I'm president of FIFA. ... Things are going to change. ... The first thing I'm going to do will be to get that old Swiss man smell out of the president's office. ... I'm also going to free the FIFA dissenters from the dungeon in the basement. ... And I'll replace all the federation heads with people who actually care about football. ... And maybe, just maybe, I'll blast the entire executive committee into the sun. ... Yeah, that's going to be so great...

Didier Drogba

Sepp Blatter is a disgrace! He's a f***ing disgrace!

Photos: Reuters, Getty

Karolína Kurková Laura Harring Naomi Watts Leonor Varela Joanne Montanez