Spartan duo jailed for assaulting Brit in Aspen

Like any beat populated by large, testosterone-fueled subjects whose muscles have beaten their brains to maturity, covering college football means reading about a lot of arrests, almost all of which fall into a predictable category: You've got your run-of-the-mill marijuana busts, your public urinations, DUIs, fights outside campus bars, multiple tasings, domestic assaults sparked by arguments over a cell phone. Players seem to obstruct police, assault police and flee from police on a near-daily basis. Footballers attacking rival athletes from other sports at the same school? Yeah, seen it. Half the offensive depth chart taking on a fraternity? Been there. Drunk driving arrests in a drive-thru lane? Done that. Armed robbery? Get in line.

But in literally hundreds of arrests reports over the years, Michigan State tight end Brian Linthicum (right) and linebacker Max Bullough are without a doubt the first entrants in the category of beating up an Englishman in a swanky mountain resort bar over spring break:

ASPEN, Colo. (AP)?Authorities in Aspen say two Michigan State football players were arrested after a reported disturbance at a bar.

Nineteen-year-old Max Bullough and 23-year-old Brian Linthicum were arrested shortly after midnight Thursday morning at the Regal Watering Hole. Staff had reported Linthicum assaulting another patron, Benjamin Nichols of London.

The Aspen Police Department said Friday that Bullough was charged with underage possession of alcohol and Linthicum was charged with assault in the third degree. Both were charged with eluding officers.

I've been trying desperately to recreate this scene in my head. I think it's a given that Linthicum and Bullock rode into town on a frozen moped looking to return a lost briefcase to a wealthy socialite. And it's natural that they'd find their way to the Aspen Regal, voted "Best Place to Find a One-Night Stand" by last summer's Aspen Times, and home to the occasional amateur fashion show. And the Brit? I'm guessing MI6, but no matter who you are over there, you don't get to come this country and say that about Steve Carell's character in The Office. You just don't.

The players were released shortly after the arrest and are due back in Aspen for a court date on April 19. Michigan State had no comment.

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Matt Hinton is on Twitter: Follow him @DrSaturday.

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